The Very Reason This Category Exists: Part III

Once again, here's Dateline NBC's DVDGuy:

So I picked up my special lady friend, fresh from her miracle rubdown given by Antonio, the Majestic Hands of Spain.  She oozed down into the passenger seat like a human-shaped puddle of perfectly relaxed goo, and asked me how my hour went, all while taking in the deepest of breaths and soaking up the calmness she was exuding like a sponge.

I tried.  Oh, how I tried.  For nearly five minutes I held back, just saying that it had been quite stressful but everything was fine.  I motioned toward the bag that contained the greeting card and grunted something like "That's the best I could do.  Sorry."  And then I drove towards home, my hands clenching the steering wheel so tight that I probably left indentions.

But five minutes was all I could manage, and soon I unleashed the whole unfiltered tale of my miserable hour, fast and furiously.  The "conversation" probably went something like this:

"Something wrong?"

"OMG! RANT RANT RANT! WTF! HALLMARK! GRRRRRRR! KILL! KILL! DAMN HUMMERS! RANT GRR! SOBs! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"Oh..."

Then silence.

I realized that my ravings were probably the kryptonite to my girlfriend's relaxation high, and immediately confirmed this when I looked over and saw the uncomfortable and terrified look on her face.  No less than three times during the trip home I had to ask if she was okay.

We get home and there's a little less than an hour before we have to depart for the wedding reception.  I let my beautiful bride-to-be-to-be know that I'm heading out to check another Target and another grocery store while she showers off Marco's oily fingerprints. 

But then I'm given another task.  I am to pick up cupcakes from said grocery store, because if I don't she's going to keep shouting the word "Cupcakes!" randomly at me until I replenish the ones we bought six days earlier.  She's been quite succinct lately in expressing herself.

Anyway, this shouldn't be a problem.  Like I said, they had them just six days earlier...

Comments

[leslie]

CUPCAKES!

[dvdguy]

See?

[anonymousfriend]

The "cupcake" thing works! How do you think I finally got Nurse Asshole to get high speed internet? Next I'm going to follow him around chanting "divorce!".

[dvdguy]

Oh and folks? My "bride-to-be-to-be" reference? I was just thinking of synonyms for "girlfriend" since I was using the word so much. I thought I was being clever. I didn't mean to get everyone worked up into a tizzy.

[nuevamima]

Oh god....

[dvdguy]

Yes?

[Cindy]

The "bride-to-be-to-be" reference didn't get me into a tizzy. I was getting all geared up to whine about how I am the last family member to know anything. I have to say I am as about worn out from getting ready to whine as you were on your Saturday from hell. Rest up!