Where Have All the Kissing Booths Gone?

I can remember being 10 years old and watching Revenge of the Nerds on cable.  Oh yes, that's right Mom... I snuck around and watched dirty, filthy R-rated movies all the time as a kid.  Man, that feels so good to get off my chest!  This 20-year secret is finally out!  I'm free!  Wheeeeeeee!  The weight has been lifted!

Ok, so uh, anyway... there's a scene in that film during a carnival where hot chicks are selling time with their sweet, sweet lips as part of a college fundraiser.  "Holy hell!" I thought to my 10 year old self.  "By the time I'm that age I'll have a ton of money!  Hot chicks here I come!"

And for the next few years, the legend in my mind grew.  I'd see a 1950's movie here and there with characters on scenic ocean boardwalks or at Coney Island touting cheap kissing thrills for mere pennies and I knew that this was my destiny.

So, where the hell did they all go?!  Did the authorities catch onto this prostitution loophole (don't EVEN get me started on why that shouldn't be illegal in the first place) and shut them all down?  I've attended every carnival, fair, festival and freak show within a 75-mile radius since I was 16, and not ONCE have I ever seen one of these booths.

I mean, here I am with my huge sack full o' nickels, running from ride to ride, exhibit to exhibit, frantically seeking the mythical hot girl with ruby red lips of fire for sale.  And yet, nothing.  Every time.  Nothing to be found except for booths offering funnel cake and ping pong balls, which when aimed correctly, will win me a goldfish that'll be dead in three days.

I refuse to believe Hollywood has lied to me.  I've seen PICTURES of these things.  I've seen them in movies.  Hell, I even read Archie comics as a kid.  But here in reality they're nowhere to be found.

I must find one before I die.  I must pay for a smooch from a pretty girl in front of hundreds of fairgoers.  It's my holy grail... my great white whale.  Only then will my life be complete.

Comments

[DeNirogator]

Really, I wonder if any of these ever did exist?

Though I would feel bad for any females doing it, having to kiss any ugly dude with a dollar in his hand?

I like that picture above....."I'll have a medium kiss please......on second thought I'll upsize and make that a large kiss.."

[Cheyenne]

That's because you aren't going to the right fairs.

[JC]

The Clay County Fair will be in April I think. Name the time and place and I will be there :)

[anonymousfriend]

You haven't seen it? It's always in between the Planned Parenthood and the Herpecin booths. The girls are the finest in the area, nary a tooth to get in the way of the kisses.