My Cool Vacation Journal

All my friends are off doing cool things this week and blogging about them.  Lesliedotcom is down in Orlando doing some cool thing that'll help her be even cooler (not possible!) a week later.  Denirogator is hobnobbing with kickass celebrities in Las Vegas. Worst of all, both of them are blogging about their trips and rubbing our noses in our boring drone faces, or something!

Well, I won't stand for such baloney.  Or bologna, if you prefer.  So I'm gonna document MY crazy life RIGHT NOW.

And by right now I'll start by going back in time to last night. I'm in Wal-Mart at 2am with my usual assortment of common items that when combined together seem like an awful sexual kink of some kind. I get to the register and who's there pushing the buttons? That's right, Mr. Wizard! I was like, wow! You're Don Herbert, Mr. Wizard! He, of course, knew who he was and was not as excited as I was. So I says to him I says "You taught me that if you fill a glass with water and add an ice cube, when the ice melts it doesn't overflow the glass because of a little thing we all know called evaporation!" He quietly grunted in acknowledgement as he scanned my new spatula.

"You had that kick ass little robot that you could program to hold a pencil, and then you let kids play Pac-Man on your Atari 400 computer!" He nodded with slight annoyance as he punched in the UPC code for my new 12 pack of lip balm.

"You took string and..." and he cut me off at that point. "Listen kid," he said, "it's cute that you think I'm Mr. Wizard and all but I'm not who you think I am, not by a long shot. So he pulls out his drivers license and shows it to me. It was MY name on the drivers license! My home address, everything! I'm like "Oh my god! You're me! From the future! Here to warn me about the worthless path my life is taking!"

"What? No. Here lemme see that." And he took his license back. "Huh, sonofabitch... this is complete wrong. Look kid my name is Albert. I was just trying to prove who I was... but I'll be damned this license isn't right at all. Thanks kid. I guess I never looked at this thing before. I'm gonna get this straight with the DMV in the morning. Even though you just kinda took a shot at me with that whole 'worthless future' business, you're all right in my book, you know?"

With that, he handed me my bags filled with spray cheese and arch supports and sent me on my way. Looking back now, I'll never forget that kindly old man and the lessons he taught me at The Cash Register of Life.